2-13-06

So my sister has been telling me for 3 weeks I need to go to this party with her.
Everyone is going from her work and she owes them, since she never goes out (she is a mother of 2 with another one on the way, and I have 3.) We never get to go out so I’m thinking ok. The day of the party I ask her what it is for, surprise party is all. Of course uneducated me assumes we will be jumping out yelling “Surprise!” No, no, No it’s a “surprise” party. What? (As we are walking in she whispers “ya know private stuff, you can buy it.” WHAT! She nods and reassures me we will be outta here in a flash. So we sit down for the presentation (and education) of predominately battery operated thing-a-ma-bobs, edible ya-knows, some non- edibles, and see through what-cha-ma- call-its. The presenter (a skinny blond in a half shirt, totally under 30) says keep one hand clean for tasting, I pinch my sister. She starts painting each persons hands with glassy, glossy gunk. She says “now if you’re allergic to sugar (wink, wink) this won’t work you know where.” I whisper over how would you know that? My sister says maybe a Snicker bar for a few minutes could tell you. I think what about the peanut content; we then decide people must test with a Hershey bar. The lick ‘em, heat ‘em, and numb ‘em stuff goes on forever. But no worries its time to bring out the stuff under the satin cover. Ok I am broke but spending top dollar and I’m not kidding top dollar on a double A “whirly Q” seems steep. Of course as she is passing everything around we all stare in wonder. One has 7 different controls (I’m thinking you will have to spend sometime with this thing, with all these buttons you won’t see them once it’s… you know.) All this while I’m pinching my sister and we are laughing uncontrollably especially when she shows the stuff for “that other area”. (Trust me I can’t type it… some of you already know, some may want to know, I just wish I didn’t know.) The party is starting to end because people are now arguing over what’s a must- have, or a want, or whatever… I’m just ready to go. My sister has to say the good-byes. The presenter then announces “if anyone wants to try anything just let her know” (I’m thinking a shower, a shower, I’m dirty.) WE finally get to the door and head out, 10:00 the party is just starting they say (I’m thinking when did I turn ancient 10:00 is bedtime). When my sister drops me off we’ve agreed that or bodies have seen more action then the party goers (hello almost 6 births between us). We will just stick to our fifth Tuesday of the month rendezvous when there is a full moon… some say prude, we say puritan.

P.S. My husband will cringe at this story so let’s just say this is totally fictional!