10-02-06

This morning consisted of the usual Monday morning mayhem. My oldest son’s alarm kept going off and my youngest kept jimmying the lock with a toy spatula and pressing the forward button so this continued on 4 more times until I figured out the problem. Then the toddler reached for a bottle of juice in the fridge (just as we are headed out the door) and proceeded to douse himself in cran-grape. This turned into a mild argument with my husband and myself because I said “who didn’t put the lid back on right?” and he said “I don’t think the lid was on wrong”. Then it was “well then how did the juice get out?” and he was like “well he tipped it” and I was all “well if the lid was on right I think he could turn it upside down and dance a jig”… you can see where that was going. So I get my daughter to school and hubby’s finally off to work. I reluctantly head to the dungeon of multiplying laundry where in the last two weeks I’ve dealt with leaves in the washer, which left what looked like doo-doo stains all over the clothes, and also a metallic bronze crayon mysteriously showed up in the dryer (how many bad words can you think up). Plus no matter how much I do the laundry it seems to be multiplying like rabbits. Low and behold I get to the basement and all my fears were fulfilled and I swear I saw a pair of boxers hop over to a corner! Anyway my neighbor calls and asks if I want to walk. Let me fill you in a bit I do not exercise but I have started this walking bit maybe 3 times before. My neighbor has the route all planned out and I believe she might be trying to kill me. Firstly it seems about 28 miles and secondly she has found the one mountain in our neighborhood (and even in this city) in which we must scale in this workout. Lastly I have to push the stroller with my child, who with the stroller and him combined probably exceeds 124lbs. at least (I never exaggerate people) .We get to the Himalayan part of our hike and I can’t even speak (this is unheard of) and I’m perspiring (ew). This is also the part where I want to knock on any door to make friends and see if they can give me a lift home (I’m a wimp what can I say). I also think of ways this could be easier, like if the stroller was remote controlled or we had something rigged up like in a mine shaft to pull me along or we could float on command, all the usual ideas. It also might be easier if my nanny was watching the child and the buff trainer was encouraging me as we went along with “you are gorgeous” or “I could bounce a quarter of that rump” and when we got home my personal chef (Tyler Florence maybe) was whipping me something up in the kitchen and my masseuse was on stand by and the butler brought me a drink just as I stepped into the hot tub. Why must I be denied! Well its only 10:00 a.m. now and my maid has forgotten to show up but I can’t do anything until the Motrin kicks in…