Switchfoot - Dare You To Move

Sesame Street:Song: I Love My Hair

Homeless Man Under Pressure.mov

She-Wolf

So when ladies, gals, girls, women, chicks, whichever, have a date, the kind where they may get lucky, they all seem to say the same thing- I got to shave my legs. I always thought that was stupid due to the fact that it really doesn't change the other areas that perhaps need more than shaving. Let's say you are in an 38-45 age range, will smooth legs cover up the dimpled cottage cheese ass? (unless you are a genetic freak or work-out, I hate you) What about those bat wings? If you get animated you're going to break someones nose. Only scalpel not a razor would fix that(hush Shake Weight ladies, not asking you). How about where your boobs are located now? I suppose you could get a good bra and insist it stays on because its sexy. And while you're at it try to push up that inter tube around the middle (not talking to you gym junkies, I hate you still), double the breast size in some cases triple or more. But caution if he snaps the bra off there could be visual and physical scarring. My idea is a headband that can hold your I-Pod. Placing it on your head and playing a football game or some trance like pictures, he will never look away. Right? We are talking about the male species. Anyway sex is sex- so shaved legs don't matter. And love is love- so shaved legs won't matter. Apparently I have made this whole story null and void.

Assured solace

I may be naive because I just learned of the 'danger triangle of the face'. It is the area from the corners of the mouth to the bridge of the nose, including the nose and maxilla (mustache bone, many jokes so little time)- Thank you Wikipedia. So basically nose-picking (yes!) and popping a pimple (yes!)in this area could cause an infection that could spread to the brain... and kill you! Dum Dum Dum Dum! (that's my music, catch on peeps). Hello, sounds a little urban legend - Mikey and the pop rocks, the Wookalar (see "Private Eyes"), and too many M&M's can cause fat, pleeeese people. This has put me into a slight panic. By showing my panic is that leading readers to believe I have violated the triangle? Panic means a sudden overpowering fright, so do I care whatcha all think? Should I seek out professional medical attention for my booger and blackhead needs? Will I need two doctors, a dermatologist and ear, nose, and throat specialist? Will I need treatments over time? Will I need to be comforted after each procedure? Will I fall into the 'Nightingale' syndrome, where I fall in love with my caregiver?!--- Or is that an urban legend?... back to Wikipedia.

Naked

Sitting on the tissue covered plastic doctor table, wearing my 'open in the front' washed out gown, reading last years People, waiting for the 'lady doc' to come in, piped in radio is louder than normal, first song to pop on while I'm in my vulnerable state... Rod Stewart's- "If you think I'm sexy".
I cannot make this crap up....

L'odeur du désespoir

Celebrity perfumes are everywhere!

Paris Hilton: "Inhale and be hooked for life" is their fancy catch phrase. It does come with a warning label, do not wear near police dogs, while crossing the border, or if required to do court appointed drug testing.

Lady Ga-ga: A hint of charcoal, Worcestershire, and A-1. Also a warning, may attract flies.

Michael Vick: This one has been tricky, PETA has yet to approve.

The boys from 'Jersey Shore': Toasted coconut, fried ravioli, and hair gel. It comes packaged in a shirt before the shirt- which it makes difficult for the boys from Jersey to open.

Justin Bieber: Pheromones, testosterone, and the sweat of WWF wrestlers (his people are working hard to bring up his 'manly' image). Warning label reads, may cause voice crackling and girls to self combust.

Is it too late for me...?

I know ya'll have missed my posts but I've had no creative juice... none. Life happenings have clogged my artery, laid a tree in my road, a rock in my roller rink, a blockage in my bowel... ok that's enough you get my drift. So I turn to meditation. First and foremost you just need a space and semi quietness. Next is sitting in silence. Of course I have been tested in both these areas as jackhammer work and my brain fight against me. The neighbor literally has had a jackhammer ripping up everything and my cranium holds a professional Chinese ping pong match 18/7 (I think they take somewhat of a break while I sleep). So as I try to sit in stillness searching for the peace and happiness we all desire, I realize that my karma will not allow my tranquility. So now I turn my focus to cleaning my karmic cloth, disposing of my karmic crumbs, painting my karmic wall, flushing my karmic do-do... ok you get my drift. I have been reading and googling all the tricks of reflection, contemplation, introspection, self-examination... I do get carried away. I have more work to accomplish, achieve, fulfill, produce... ugh really... before I find ????, who knows...

Pandy and Raula- my uncle and aunt

I was blessed to stay at my Uncles and Aunts house recently. Geographically we are not close so we don't get to hang much but these are some observations of our short time together.

*Randomly wandering off (My Uncle) and me thinking I should follow. Only to finally figure out you just like to confuse me.

*Taking me to the local chili dog place for lunch. I believe I have survived due to the assistance of my gastroenginoligist, my bill will be forthcoming.

*My Aunts cat naps through our movie time- so I can't always pick the Oscar winners.

*Learning to use the trunk of your car for everything, phonebooks, jackets, never have I seen some utilize the space so frequently.

*Too be so lucky to be in the car with my mom and uncle to hear all the different conversastions on traffic who knew it could be so down right enjoyable! (That is indeed sarcasm at its finest.)

*Who knew my Aunt was such a jewelry collector... Her address is 1224 Mulberry Ln. Goosedown,Or.

* Your ability to ignore me, I didn't know any human could.

*'The Conrad' the man/king of the house, it was truely a honor to be in your presence.

I will miss you both thank you so much for your hospitality to a smart ass grown child as myself...

My Grandma Hazel

Chasing my sister around with a live shrimp, it cracks me up and she can not eat seafood to this day.

Never telling us her middle name- years of badgering only to find out it starts with a 'B', me telling her I'm now calling her Broomhilda.

Watching her stress over who would get her faux/real animal like stole. I told her it wouldn't be a problem... really no worries.

Talking to anyone and everyone in any and every store we entered about nothing and everything. I am now cursed/blessed with the same affliction.

Her booming voice, my grandpa was hard of hearing so she spoke in the same volume to all. Easy for eavesdropping, even if you weren't.

Our Gin Rummy and Dominoes games.

Learning that 'sot' was used in multiple crossword puzzles.

Anytime you ask what's for dinner her reply, "Poison!"

Listening to our 'orginal' organ music which seemed to drive her crazy, but she never removed the organ from the home which I took as a sign to keep on creating.

Never scolding me for my sense of humor and always wanting me to share with others.

Love you...