Dated

When arguing with your teenager about being cool and as the parent you are saying, “I was cool too” but at some point in the conversation after you've said, blue eye shadow, Jordache jeans, and high tops you should retreat and go cry in your pillow.

Invisible insects

After studying my sister in the “great” outdoors (her backyard) I have come to the conclusion that she does have a total bug phobia and/or Tourette’s syndrome. Either way, watching her flail and thrash about for something I never did see was precious. I just wish I had powers, possibly to be a bug whisperer (big dreams) so that I could amuse myself at any time.

It's elementary...

So my daughter and I have been playing the “Nancy Drew” mystery computer games. We have successfully solved 3 whodunits and frightfully it’s all been done on the “junior” level, the box says 10 to adult but that’s a Doogy Howser 10 year old (at least that’s how I have been deluding myself). These little buggers are tricky and they all make you read and learn stuff…Ugh…the last story had a horse so we were knee high in horse s*%t… ha-ha I made a funny, and yes I crack myself up because who else will I say? So anyway it had the anatomy of the horse like in the hoof area there’s a thing called a frog? Or what they eat, signs to see if the eaten too much, different types of horses and crap (he-hee) like that. Well like I said these puzzlers are tough so we discovered the website that has hints (yes, junior level and hints, pitiful.) Originally when finding it the message boards had all the hints blacked out and me all calm and cool, how are we ever gonna finish this bleepiditty bleep bleep, I mean really what’s that help blacking out the answers! My daughter quiescently ( I need to use a big word because I’m still sassy!) showed me you just right click and highlight and the answer and it magically shows up…am I surprised that a nine year must guide me…I must go back to the day of the “Where’s Waldo” books where I had a fighting chance...

4 servings a day?

You know you're a great parent when you can hide your “stash” of candy bars in the fruit drawer of the refrigerator and no one has yet to discover it.

The next Larry David?

Sarcasm and 4 years olds don’t mix. Because of my reply each time he's yelled out, “come wipe my butt!”, he instead now yells to me, “come do your favorite thing!” That is so wrong on many levels, unless he is already using the gift of sarcasm … genius perhaps?

Cannot live by test alone!

So in researching this Myers Briggs thingee I thought I’d add who my “perfect match” would be, these are the few names that stood out and I thought thank god for this test so I don’t waste anymore of my life.

1. Fred Rodgers

2. William Shakespeare

Now number 3 and 4 are the best so hold onto to your hats,

3. E.T.

4. My favorite is Helen Keller

So I think I see an obvious pattern which is communication. Mr. Rodgers whom I will never hear over my own booming voice, besides the fact he’s deceased which will also make it tougher. Hark yonder visions art thou, yea that’ll last, a Muppet who will constantly want to “go home” and always pointing at me. And lastly someone who will not hear or see me at all…ouch, what a catch am I.

So I don’t really know how I got on the mate aspect of this thing so I think I’ll turn to the career angle and see what path that leads me on… home economics and bookkeeping…I’m screwed…

Are you "In"competent?

The Myers Briggs personality test…http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp, I recommend taking it and see where you fall. I am an ESFJ, I know most of you think that stands for “extremely sexy female jokester” and… you’d be right but that’s another website for another day. This ESFJ stands for “extraverted sensing feeling judging” which means I’m a hyper-vigilant (paranoid) entertaining (like a car wreck?) control freak (Martha?) that wrestles with “right or wrong”(I’m 4 years old) and gets their feelings hurt easily (big baby). Sad and here are my famous ESFJ’s counterparts… Don Knotts (true and scary), Loni Anderson (really?), and Donald Duck (believe or not, I relate). Now what I found amusing is that you can look into who would be compatible with you…boy the guys got to be frightful, looking for a toddler to fold his towels while dancing and singing all the while worrying about if everyone’s washed their hands but also crying about whether to return the accidentally swiped Band-Aids from the bottom of the shopping cart… wow, I sound hotter than I thought I would. How much would that cost to put on a personal ad?

over-medicated

Last week I got a lovely urinary tract infection, in turn I was prescribed an antibiotic. That same night I started my meds I got a sore throat, but hey I’m on meds no worries. Next night yeast infection crept into my life and then a few days later Aunt Flo came to town. I know I’m writing this all with ease but I assure you I have not slept and I am definitely homicidal. Plus I have placed caution tape all over me like as if I were a condemned building ready to be torn down. Anyway yesterday was the last of my meds and my throat is the worst! So I head back to the doctor. She bolts in starts asking me questions rapid fire then talks about a new regime of 10 day meds, somehow the yeast thing comes up she says don’t treat it till the end of meds cause you’ll just get another one…what!? Oh I forgot to check your ears... no I heard you said don’t treat the yeast…Are You SEriOuS! Were you in the Special Forces? Some high intense training program when they tortured you with the most unthinkably torturous torture ever! How brilliant the government must be, put women on a five dollar antibiotic then wait for the yeast, then send them in…the anger, the cricket quick leg movements because of the need to scratch, the clawing, the unintentional karate skills, these ladies would be WMD’s. Wait… wait for their menstrual cycle to start and double whammy, these would be the Jason Bournes’ but Jessica’s and wow, scary. Now I’ve been rambling for what seems to be hours and she starts to ask about my family history and mental health… crap I’m screwed… I’ll now be writing you on my rationed toilet paper from the “state country club”…ugh…

5-13-08

http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/

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Favorite emotion

http://www.hulu.com/

Arrested Development
The Office
Or Saturday Night Live's Sean Connery on Jeopardy

For kicks and giggles.
Cause I got nothing.