Hanging by a thread or web...

Yesterday was perfect weather. My kids and their cousins outside playing, getting along beautifully. They discover some “humongous” spider that they pretty much took turns torturing, I on the other hand was not in the mood to look at the arachnid, basically so I didn’t creep myself out. This though gave me the gung ho’ness to clean up the yard of lost and forgotten toys tools and whatnots. Cousins left and I kept on my mission of pouring water out of, shaking cobwebs off and collecting all lost treasures. But it was when my 4 year old began to point at my back and mumble something in Fat Albert Mush mouth speak, I turn to my nine year old and said “what’s on my back?” This is when she screamed and took off as if Johnny Olson had to her to “Come on down, you’re the next contestant on The Price is Right”. Hands in the air and a shriek that I know brought all the neighbors to their windows or doors, even after she was miles away it continued as she ran in circles. At this point I was a tad bit concerned… he-he… that perhaps the elephantine spider that they were playing with had perhaps latched onto me. And being on my back and not being able to see left me apprehensive…he-he. So I calmly ask my 4 year old to get it off but at this point he was slightly freaked and in awe of his sister so he took off too. Alone. Trying to breathe, like they teach you in Lamaze, talking to myself,”it’s more scared of you” (Oh sure after being crucified by rugrats!), “its probably crawling away as we speak” (yeah right into my hair!), “it’s probably fallen off because of the earth shattering screams” (crap its laying its eggs and staying put for fear of death!) So I pull it together walk to the door and begin calling (screeching) to my 16 year old whose response time to most of my calls is 20 to 30 minutes. Finally in what seems to be slow motion he comes to the door annoyed bothered and pissed that I have beckoned him but this quickly turns to curiosity since my daughter is still a tizzy like in an Abbott and Costello movie. I who at this point have no words left…well words I can't tell in this story, show him my back and he flicks away a small beetle,yes a small beetle (not the Frankenstein of spiders). Now my 4 year old goes to pick it up and asks if we can keep it, it’s so cute. What!!! I have aged 12 years in this incident I’m homicidal and deaf because my daughter is still at it, the energy she has used could probably run a small town. This is the point of the story where Sammy Jo gets slapped (Dynasty), (calm down didn’t do it). Now it’s been 24 hours I guess I’ll let bygones be bygones and let her back in the house….