Land the "effing" plane

So in honor of my kin in Texas here’s a story that may or may not be some form of the truth.
Do not ever loan Vicky Barnes $500. Because Tanya Martin did and you know Tanya she’s the daughter of Estelle and Elonzo over in Dry Rock well they’ve both passed but you know that they had the three kids Frank, LB, and Tanya. Frank the oldest married that Mabel Turner the one who wears all that jewelry that now she has the back problems. Well she went to that specialist in Dust Plains and he told her to quit wearing all that jewelry and she said she rather die. She says what would the ladies think over at the Broadway Church? Also they have that son LB, who paces so much he has worn the floor down so bad that they had to have Herb Dimmel come and pour concrete in their house to re-even out their floors. Anyway oh and wait LB’s kids are a loopy too their oldest C.C has been detained by police four times for trying to walk up the drive- thru at the Sonic over on Indiana because she just loves their Rt. 44 diet coke with lime. Oh and their other daughter Lynn who runs around town with her hair wet like she doesn’t have time to fix it, what does she do? Nothin’ as far as I can tell. So Estelle and Elonzo’s youngest Tanya has those three kids which I think one makes ice (can you make a livin' from that?), the other does hair…why she can’t help her cousin is beyond me, and the other just had a baby she named Elvis, I mean really Elvis what are people thinkin’ these days. So Tanya loans Vicky Barnes, Vicky’s the one that married to that Yankee that works with computers or at Best Buy or somethin’, anyway she gives her $500 and she had to give her six twenties, four tens, and the rest in singles and fives because she just doesn’t have that layin‘ around. And Vicky goes and uses it to get one of them consultations from that fancy plastic surgeon over in Sandy Creek for a butt lift, a butt lift I mean really. Well you know she’ll never get that money back I mean really…