miscommunication

Is it me or is every time you give your child directions they silently must hear “and do it as loudly as you can.”

Example: Please get ready for school… slam all doors as you do it, huff and puff like you’re in Wimbledon, and make sure as you put on your cologne so the rest of the family gags (that means you got the right amount). Oh, but don’t flush the toilet you may wake your brother.

Example: Put on your shoes and grab your backpack…while doing so stomp hard so the house vibrates and scream complaints that have been bothering you while you were sleeping.

Example: Let’s go… but look for the largest toy in the house to bring with and when I reply with a “no” drop to the ground and scream and kick like you’re a ride at a carnival.

Maybe it’s just me…

Entomophobia

As I leave Wal-mart with my sister and three of our kids, bees converge on us.

I just load the car ignoring the pests. My sister on the other hand cannot, she freaks.

I try and tell her to calm down but this is as she pushes the cart away from her because they are landing on her grocery bags. The problem with this is that her one year old is in the cart also, and her 5 year old has wandered off to save himself not from bees but flailing arms. I finish loading my car then proceed to get a front row seat to the action.

She has now composed herself enough to get the cart to the car. As she begins loading the vehicle she uses items in the bags as weapons (also at this time another onlooker has joined her audience). She seems to prancing as she uses a Kraft macaroni and cheese box to “shoo” away the buggers. She turns in full circles, I guess to cover the entire circumference of the area. She then just throws the box. I, of course, am peeing myself and crying overcome with laughter. The box did not accomplish what she wanted, so she whips that in the car. At this point her mothering instincts finally kick in and she places her children in the van out of harms way (her). Now her dance technique has become a bit harder her prancing is more stomping and her weapon now is a whole bag full of stuff. But I absolutely enjoy that she has kept her 360 move because I do enjoy that the most. I am also grateful that the parking spot next to her is open because her movements span a larger area and again this show is for me. Watching her for what seems like 15 minutes she is done with her task and safely in the car. The performance is done. Brava!

P.S. Remind me to tell you about the time she was outside with the kids and a bee came she ran inside slamming the door leaving the little ones to fend for themselves, screaming, crying, and building there phobia. Priceless…